I am unfinished,
unrefined.
there is egg yolk in the cut on my finger.
it stings.
i really should stop gnawing at THEm.
and i am TRYING,
i PROMISE i am trying,
to make sense of it ALL.
trying To stop the constant, nervous DESTRUCTION,
of the FRAGILE,
aching paper SKIN,
AROUnd my FINGERNAILS.
(WHICh i have also chewed AT, until they bleed. I leave a trail of dark red droplets BEHind me)
life,
i find,
makes me and my creaking BONES,
feel as heavy as lead.
i CANNOt look away.
i cannot fall apart.
I bite, i SCREAM, i sob.
(all silenTly AND where no one can witness my WEAKNESS)
I cannot leave,
i love them so IMMENSELY,
With EVery beat OF MY
selfish, seLfish heart.
i do not know how else TO be.
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